Depression is caused by Broken Relationship with Time
What if I told you, one of the major causes of your depression is your unhealthy, broken relationship with time?
In this piece I describe why and show you how to fix it.
How does depression feel?
Depression ain't a constant feeling of sadness or low mood, although they are part of it. It is the state of lack of feelings, the void, emptiness, where you're stuck and cannot seem to get out.
No matter how hard you try.
You think you do things differently, yet magically end up taking the same actions. Same actions leading to same results. An endless loop. This gives you a sense of stagnation, where everything around you is changing, evolving.
Everything, except you.
I’ve realized, it's a TIME problem and how we perceive time.
Our perception of time
Consider the following quote:
We live our lives forward, but understand them backward.
— Søren Kirkegaard
This excellent quote makes an incisive observation and states the concept succinctly, which further aligns with our experiences.
Since we view our lives backwards, we fit stories in a similar manner and hence understand our lives backwards.
Meaning, our past determines
Our currently held worldviews,
How we view or predict our future, and
The alternate realities we simulate in our tiny little heads.
The consequence is birth of fear and regret.
Fear of the future, that everything has gone wrong in the past and hence it will continue to do so in the future.
Regret of the past, that a certain action led to the undesirable outcome and hence the "I shouldn't have done that" feeling.
Since "I shouldn't have done that", we instantly assume that things would be great "If I had done that instead."
We rarely simulate worst case scenarios in the alternate universe. We rarely stop and think, the alternate reality could be worse than the present, manifested reality. The outcomes in these alternate realities are always rosy.
The need to escape current reality makes us want to assume that the grass is greener on the other side.
Similarly, we rarely accommodate optimism towards the future, or acknowledge the power of will. That we could steer the future in our favor. We fear. The regret keeps us hooked to the notion that alternate reality is better.
A skewed perception.
I believe the connection between our perception of time and depression, is now obvious.
How is depression a time problem?
Time passes as your clock ticks.
Your friends get in and out of relationships, get promoted, married, get fat, have children, etc. And here you are feeling like Matthew McConaughey - watching the dynamic world, through the gaps between the books on your static bookshelf.
The problem is your messed up relationship with time.
You are time traveling in your head, revisiting and reliving the past memories, thus reinforcing your world view conditioned on the experiences of the past. This past then affects your simulations of future.
Future seems bleak, because your observations support the predictions.
In this process, the present moment - the NOW - where life happens becomes a casualty. You are too occupied to notice the present while oscillating between past and future, oscillating between regrets and fears.
The solution
The solution is to divert or rather place your focus and attention in the NOW - the present moment.
When you live in another reality mentally, you lay frozen in your tracks in the present moment. As a result, you cease to take actions which are essential in determining the course of your future.
If you think a different action in the past could have changed your future for the better, NOW is also the time to think so. Let go of resentment, for you could not see the future in the past, just as you cannot see your future now. Put conscious effort into looking forward.
The backward perception of reality is skewed. This also necessitates detachment from rewards or outcomes and taking actions with all your sincerity.
If things work out, great. If they don't, great.
I got this idea from the book "Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.
The present moment is all you have. The past is unchangeable and the future is unpredictable. All you can do is add one unchangeable moment to the past depending on what you choose to do NOW.
This is THE first step in your recovery from depression.
Reading one self help book after another is not the answer, that I can assure. No fancy philosophy needed when you are in the midst of depression. You need to train to direct and place your attention, in the NOW.
How to do that?
Keep a copy of the book nearby, and read it whenever you catch yourself drifting in time. It works, because the author constantly asks you to direct the attention in the present, as you read the book.
It is a relief for a mind troubled by misalignment with time.
Train yourself for some weeks and meanwhile, go on with your lives as usual. Perform every mundane task, with attention in the present. Quit thinking about importance of a task or its meaning. Your current state of mind is incapable of answering those questions. Been there.
These answers will present themselves to you at later stages. View this process analogous to building your body. You do not hit the gym on day one with heavy loads and expect progress. You start with essential movements, and aim to set a HABIT.
Exactly, what you need to do.
CREATE a HABIT of being present in the NOW.
The presence of your attention will form the foundations for further growth. At this stage, the meaning of every mundane task is to train you to stay present. To prevent you from oscillating between the past and the future.
Remember.
Two activities that place your attention in present moment:
A daily writing habit
A daily physical activity. Lifting weights 3x a week, and a daily walk routine.
These are the things you can begin to implement NOW.
Good luck and stay present!
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